Bummed

4 years ago I felt this same pain that exists now. I promised myself that this time would be different but somehow it crept its way back into my heart. Deciding to have another child is a joyful time, but after trying month after month and seeing the same thing appear month after month can be disappointing and then depressing. While we tried for Zane, at first it was fun but then it became a chore. After months I became sad and heartbroken. Finally the day came when I found out I was pregnant. It was exactly 11 months of "job duty." So, this time should be different right? God gave me a beautiful fun loving little man of God how could I want anything else. My heart started yearning for another addition to our family and I told myself and Lance that I would NOT get disappointed or upset if it didn't happen. God gave me One and I should be happy just to have one that he trusted me with. It has been 13 months now that we have been trying to add that other addition and well, God has other plans. Am I upset? YES!! Am I curious why? YES! Am I getting depressed? YES! I am all of those things and heartbroken. I know that God is in charge and is our protector. I know all of these things, but it doesn't make it any less heart felt. In god's timing it will happen. I know! It was this month that has been the hard one. All the other ones were fine. I don't know if it is because I realized that we are over our year mark or if Satan is just trying to get me to doubt God. (PROB MORE OF THE SECOND ONE).

Jesus, I ask to please trust us with another one of your precious children. I know that they are only on loan to us to raise with godly values and love. I pray that you will bless our house with another sweet voice. Zane wants a little sister but we will take what you choose for us. Amen!

New Growth

Well, last Tuesday we finally were able to get that camo cast off. Zane was a little excited but bummed out too. He was getting so much attention from the cast that I think that we didn't make a BIG enough deal about getting it off. Tuesday night we "celebrated" getting the cast off and went for Zane's favorite dessert, donuts. His leg and still tender and he is on restriction from what I call "fun" for about two weeks. The bone has healed perfectly and we could see new growth of bone around the other bone. His little leg is still very tender and I hate that he still can't jump run and play without it being sore. I hope to see my "baby" back to being a "boy" soon!!!

From Baby to Big Boy

Since when do OUR children decide that they are NOT our babies anymore but Big Boys. I can't even say when he is upset, " I'm sorry, Baby." I get corrected immediately! It saddens me to see my Baby get so Big. After months of asking to go to school, we would just blow it off and say, next year you can go. Well, our reasoning was just not good enough for him and then we changed our tactic to Mommy teaches you two days a week. That was acceptable for about a month and now we hear the response of without my mommy but with my friends. How can we not let our social butterfly spread his wings? It is easy, in my eyes he is still my "baby" but to him he is a "Big Boy." After much prayer and emotional detoxing with chocolate we decided to let OUR "baby" go to school one day a week to be a "Big Boy." His first day is Wednesday. I'll let all know how it goes.

Surprisingly I didn't freak

Christmas was filled with so much fun, excitement, and surprises including a trip to the emergency room. We are such good parents that we got our kids a trampoline so they can improve their "motor skills." Well, after opening presents and jumping for hours it was time to do Birthday. We sang and had cake (last year at Zane's party I forgot to sing to my own kid). It was getting dark and they wanted to go jump again so who was I to stop them! Oh, the mother.....then I realized that we forgot to do his Birthday presents. As I called for The Boys to come in Zane came in whimpering very unusual for the kid who has the highest pain tolerance that I know. Lance and I felt so uneasy about it and realized after Zane did not do back flips over his new bike for his birthday than something must be wrong. We gathered up and left our house with a ton of people and headed off to the ER. No doctors offices were open b/c well I guess they take vacations on Christmas! After hours and hours we left with a splint and were told to follow up with a pediatric orthopedic in a week.

Day after Christmas and Zane's birthday.....I hated seeing my "baby" sit around and look at all of his new toys but can't play with them. With a splint I had to carry and hold him constantly. Hard to do when they are potty trained (boy). I decided to defy the ER's instructions and call the ortho. I don't have much faith in ER doctors these days anyway another story). I got in that day and we left with an awesome camo cast that Zane was very proud of!!!

calgon take me away

Ok, so I haven't disappeared I have just been so swamped with MOPS and Holiday Shop Around that I can't even think straight. Our event is approaching quickly and I cannot believe that all of this hard work will soon be over. 70 vendors WOW! When I first started I didn't even know if we would have a show because lack of vendors. God is so Good and he has provided! I wish I could shop but I will be working. I told my mom just the other night that a show is so much work and that it could cause a Baptist preacher to become an alcoholic LOL! When this is all said and done I will just take a hot bubble bath and try to figure out how to say no to people instead of them just seeing the word "sucker" written on my forehead.

I wish I could See!

I know that there are Angels among us. I am not just talking sweet people that we say, "oh, what an angel they are." I am talking about true angels that are here to watch over us, guide us and surround us with love. I truly believe that Zane can see them. The other day as we were driving down the road he looks out the window and says, "Oh, Mommy, look how pretty." I asked what was pretty and he said the clouds and he said he loved the way they floated just like the angels were. He said that the angels were way prettier than the clouds though. He then said, "I am going to get a big big ladder and climb up to the angels and God. I have never said to him that God or the angels were in the sky. He never asked so I never had said anything about it. I just thought, how cute and so sweet.

A few days later at the dinner table Lance asked Zane what he did today and he said, I played train with Jesus and angels. Mommy was on the puter (computer) and they played with me." We asked him lots of questions about it and he said never would answer them in detail like we were hoping. He just said they had fun, laughed and then just floated away. I think it is such a great gift that the Lord has given to him. He is so pure and his mind is not filled with the garbage that adults deal with on a daily basis. I hope that his innocents never goes away and that his mind will not be conformed of this world but will be transformed by the renewing of his mind. I wish I could see the beautiful angels that visit him, but I am happy knowing that they are there with God's child that he just has allowed me to raise.

Sometimes I think Zane is the parent

Children are a total reflection of their parents. Sad to say sometimes, but true! I broke a piece of wood that belongs on my computer desk and Zane decides to correct me....BAD BAD BAD Mommy! NO NO! You need to go to your room. I just laughed because I couldn't get mad at him for talking to me that way! I do it to him. Now I know what I sound like. I went to get the drill and some screws to fix my mistake and using my handyman skills, Zane starts clapping and says, "Yeah, good job Mommy. Way to go. You fixed it! Good job!"

This made me realize we have such a HUGE impact on our children. Of course I knew that, but it was brought back to light for me through my son! Words they hear are so powerful.

Oh, and my handyman skills didn't last b/c I broke it again and Lance had to really fix it this time!!