4 years ago I felt this same pain that exists now. I promised myself that this time would be different but somehow it crept its way back into my heart. Deciding to have another child is a joyful time, but after trying month after month and seeing the same thing appear month after month can be disappointing and then depressing. While we tried for Zane, at first it was fun but then it became a chore. After months I became sad and heartbroken. Finally the day came when I found out I was pregnant. It was exactly 11 months of "job duty." So, this time should be different right? God gave me a beautiful fun loving little man of God how could I want anything else. My heart started yearning for another addition to our family and I told myself and Lance that I would NOT get disappointed or upset if it didn't happen. God gave me One and I should be happy just to have one that he trusted me with. It has been 13 months now that we have been trying to add that other addition and well, God has other plans. Am I upset? YES!! Am I curious why? YES! Am I getting depressed? YES! I am all of those things and heartbroken. I know that God is in charge and is our protector. I know all of these things, but it doesn't make it any less heart felt. In god's timing it will happen. I know! It was this month that has been the hard one. All the other ones were fine. I don't know if it is because I realized that we are over our year mark or if Satan is just trying to get me to doubt God. (PROB MORE OF THE SECOND ONE).
Jesus, I ask to please trust us with another one of your precious children. I know that they are only on loan to us to raise with godly values and love. I pray that you will bless our house with another sweet voice. Zane wants a little sister but we will take what you choose for us. Amen!
